Little secrets for New Dads, and New Moms Need to Know

Are you worried about how to keep the bond intact after your little bundle of joy arrives? 

The reason behind the unsaid gap between the father and mother happens just because there are certain things we don’t say, certain feelings we don’t express.
Like most of the new parents, we were confused and wished someone would come over with some instruction manual to help us, to handle the baby. And ,of course there was nothing like that for us. Little did my husband realize that he would need more of an instruction manual to handle me ,than one to handle the baby ( trust me babies are usually easier to handle at this sensitive phase, than the wife )

My husband had some real tough time handling me (Yes he would be laughing right now reading this, as I have never accepted this in front of him, I always stated that HE was the difficult one to handle during the early phase as parents).
This little writing of mine is dedicated to my husband and all the helpless husbands who feel equally confused about the way their wives are behaving in the newborn phase.
Here is a list of Little Secrets New Dads Need to Know About New Moms, that will probably help them sleep in peace at night :

1. New Mom is scared. No matter how much you feel your wife looks sorted, she is probably like a little scared child who needs to be cuddled and given assurance that everything would be perfect. It scares her that no matter how much she worked hard the whole day to do everything perfectly,still things could go terrifyingly wrong. This is probably the first time she has come out of her little fairy-tale world and seen the real life, the life that she and you created. Things do go wrong despite all of her best efforts she puts in the whole day. She may have been handling a colic baby, cleaning dirty cloth diapers the whole day, practically feeding the little one round the clock, dying to get some sleep, struggling hard to entertain the baby while she is still recovering from the childbirth and maybe trying hard to sleep train the baby. She’s scared because things don’t always go as you expect. It certainly doesnt help, when you accuse her of being irrational or hormonal. Give her a warm hug and listen to what she feels and respect her feelings, also remind her you are there right besides her to help. You have absolutely no idea how comforting these word can be for her. She needs to hear it.

2. New Mom feels ugly. Although, she is happy and proud of the fact that her body just did a miracle of giving birth to a baby, but at the same time she might feel gross. Her body is not the same. Stretch marks, saggy skin and leaking body, all these are big enough reasons to freak out any mom. Maybe she is avoiding mirrors in the house. This is the time you tell her what you feel about her appearance, she really needs some assurance. Tell her when she looks particularly beautiful nursing your new baby. When she’s standing in front of the mirror with tears in her eyes because nothing fits look her in the eyes and list off all of the things that make her beautiful. She needs to hear these things from you right now.

3. New Mom has nothing to wear. This is a part of the above point. Clothes don’t fit her anymore, pregnancy clothes are flowy and the old ones, phew forget it. Its more frustrating ,than sad for the new mom. She doesn’t want to buy anything new  as she feels she wont be this size forever. All you got to do is go out for shopping with her and tell her she’s pretty.

4. New Mom needs to be asked what she needs. This can be the most assuring thing at this point in her life. Go ahead, ask her what she wants, where does she want to go, what does she want to do, what she wants to eat. Trust me this will throw half of her hormonal trouble down the drain.

5. New Mom needs protection. Usually women like their men to be protective and assertive , but I think this need goes into overdrive when she becomes a New Mom. Right now she would expect you to create a barrier between her and the outside world. There would be time she wouldn’t want people to come over, and since she wouldn’t want to be the bad guy, may expect you to do that for her. She wants to be protected. She may be the naturally assertive one in the relationship that normally handles the all the bank work, or takes the car to the garage or instructs the electrician about what to do and how, but I am pretty sure you’d win big brownie points by stepping in and saying, “Let me handle this.”

6. New Mom can’t get mad at the baby. New mom knows who is the reason behind why she feels always exhausted, why she has got dark circles that big a size of an apple, why her house smells like milk, why she can still smell poop from her hands, why she has been practically nursing round the clock. Definitely she knows its because of the new little muffin in your life. She can’t get mad at this little, cute, adorably sweet baby, even though she feels like a zombie. So she takes that frustration and points it at you, New Dad, like you’re the one waking her up at 2 in the morning for cuddles and milk. This might take your sleep away, but I’d say this is a good time to be a punching bag for her instead of trying to make an issue for being mad at the baby (pointing at a newborn and yelling “He started it!” isn’t going to win friends or influence people). Don’t even try getting a big punching bag for her right now, this is not what she wants, all she needs is a human being that can be blamed for all this ;).

7. New Mom is obsessed with this baby. She is madly in love again. No definitely not with you again this time. Even if she is suffering from postpartum depression, she thinks its the new cool thing in her life, totally excited like one feels in those early days of finding love.She will be taking infinite pictures and posting them to Facebook faster than you can even think. She’s like a school girl in love, and she can’t get enough.New Dad, you are probably going to feel like a third person for a while. I know it’s hard, but it isn’t personal. This is simply part of growing a family.

8. New Mom feels defensive. There is so much advice and it’s coming from everyone. Not only from the family and friends, but also from complete strangers walking past on the streets. Her mom thinks she should keep her phone away for atleast two months (so no Facebook, whatsapp and instagram). Your mom thinks she should all the time swaddle the baby (even though she cries her heart out when tying the baby in a swaddle, because she doesnt believe in it) .Her best friend that had a baby 5 weeks earlier seems a little too eager to let her know she’s doing all of it wrong. Let’s not even talk about the books she read and those baby website newsletters. All of this advice can create a defensive mommy. She is already scared , and feels like this advice is a testament to all of the things she’s doing wrong. Be a cheerleader for her and remind her to follow her heart. This baby was given to her, and no one else, after all.

9. New Mom needs permission to rest. Just like me most women go into motherhood truly believing they would be able to handle it all well. That all those other moms with crying and sleepless babies  just didn’t know what they were doing. The worst part is that most moms refuse to accept that they are exhausted and don’t take some time to themselves. Give your New Mom permission to rest. She needs to take a nap, tell her you would help her do whatever household chore needs to be done.  When she tries to argue remind her that you’re protecting her, from herself.

10. New Mom really loves you. She loves watching you become a dad. She loves noticing the little changes in you after being a dad. She loves that the little one looks like you ( even though she would pretend to fight over it whenever someone would say the baby looks likes you). It might not seem logical, but every time you bond with that little baby you’re bonding with her. She loves the small little things you do for the baby and for her.




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